Adventures of a Taser Queen
by Spurlunk
Summary: Darcy gets to know the Avengers. Shenanigans ensue, because it's Darcy we're talking about here.


At first Darcy felt a little sorry for herself, as one of the (very few) people in the building who had no real useful skills or weapons other than your average run of the mill taser. Then she realized that in no way was she going to let that stop her from relishing the fact that she got to work with demigods and superheroes on a day to day basis. Okay, so maybe it was more 'around' than 'with', Darcy thought as she narrowly missed running right into mild mannered Dr. Banner on her way to deliver coffee to Jane's lab (which, along with the two women themselves, had been relocated from New Mexico to SHIELD's brand new headquarters in New York), but still, that was something.

"Sorry!" she called out, but didn't wait for a response. Jane was really cranky in the mornings, and a lack of caffeine in her system only made it worse.

"Nectar of the gods," Jane said, closing her eyes as she took a sip.

"Except they don't have coffee in Asgard."

"Not since Loki took some back on his last trip."

"Darcy!" someone called from across the lab. She turned to see a man in a plaid shirt and scuffed jeans coming her way. He looked familiar but she couldn't place him right away. Jane went back to work as Darcy jogged down the steps to meet him halfway.

"Hey, I'm Clint. You know, with the crossbow." he said. He had dirty blond hair and piercing blue eyes. Darcy wondered if being really buff and super attractive was part of the SHIELD job description.

"Right! You were in New Mexico."

"Yeah, I work for Coulson. He sent me to give you this."

He handed her an iPod; black, shiny, and new.

"What happened to my old one?"

"It was destroyed, but all your music's on the new one. Passion Pit, the Black Keys, and the LOST soundtrack," he said, one side of his mouth quirking up with amusement.

"Hey, nothing's wrong with indie rock or TV scores. What do you listen to, country?"

"I listen to it and I play it," he said, now with a full out grin. Darcy groaned, only half-joking.

"He's not bad," Dr. Banner said, walking back from the elevator towards the lab, donut in hand. He'd been working with Jane, and seemed pretty nice, but as everyone had been told, you wouldn't want to get the guy angry.

"Wait, how do you know?" Darcy asked.

"We're roommates; I'm supposed to make sure that the good doctor doesn't hulk out in the middle of the night."

"So you sleep together."

"Not like - not in the same room!" Clint said. Darcy was pleased that she'd managed to get him off balance. It made her feel a little better about being a good five years younger than everyone around her.

"Tell Coulson I said thanks!" Darcy said, heading back to the lab to see if Jane needed her help (which really was a euphemism for eating Pop-Tarts and listening to music while drawing moustaches on anything she could reach, but hey).

XXX

When Darcy heard (from Sif, who'd heard from Natasha (they trained together), who'd heard from Nick Fury himself (they slept together)) that Captain America had been basically brought back from the dead, she gave it about three days before deciding to go meet him herself. She checked the gym first (where she found Natasha and Clint sparring), then the cafeteria (Thor and the Warriors Three tried to get her to join them for a mid-afternoon snack, but she declined), before heading up to Coulson's office to just ask him straight out.

"Is this urgent? I'm a busy man, Darcy," he said, not looking up from the paperwork on his desk.

"Where are you hiding the great American zombie?"

"What?" he said, meeting her eyes with a look of profound confusion.

"Zombie. Back from the dead. Come on, it's not that hard. Captain America?"

"Steve Rogers. The public doesn't need to know his identity yet."

"Aren't I the public?" Darcy asked. Coulson gave her a dry look.

"I don't know what you are," he said.

"So where's Steve?"

"He's adjusting to a new century, everyone he loved is dead, and I really don't -"

"That's exactly why he needs me. I'm a great distraction!" Darcy said with a huge smile. Coulson had to concede the point, and soon enough she was making her way up to Steve's apartment.

Darcy knew the Saturday morning cartoon version of Captain America, but she had no idea what to expect from the real thing. When she knocked on the door and he answered, all she could think of to do for a good minute and a half was to stare. He was big. Very big. And very hot. In a baseball and apple pie kind of way, which made sense.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, in a softer voice than she'd expected.

"I'm Darcy. You're Steve, right?"

"Yes. Do you work here?"

"Sort of. Not really. I'm Jane's intern. She's Thor's girlfriend and a super genius scientist. How old are you, like thirty?"

"Twenty five."

"Cool! I'm twenty two; you're like the second youngest person here now. Do you know about Facebook? You were stuck in ice for like eighty years, right? Do you even know about the Internet?" Darcy asked, pulling out her laptop as she walked into the apartment and plopped down on the couch, patting the space beside her.

"Have a seat! I'll introduce you to the wonderful world of kitten gifs. You don't know what you've been missing."

XXXX

"It's totally a political game, see Sugar's forming an alliance to make sure that she doesn't get voted off later…" Darcy explained. Her feet were on Steve's lap and a bowl of popcorn was wedged in the cushions as she introduced Captain America to reality television.

"I know you used to be a chick magnet back in the day, but I didn't know that you worked this fast," a man said, entering the apartment so quickly and quietly that neither of them noticed him approach. Steve blushed an adorable shade of pink and Darcy swiveled her legs around to sit up straight.

"Hey, you're Tony Stark! My dad loves you," she said.

"But you don't?"

"You're kind of old for me, no offense," she said. He put a hand on his chest, letting out a mock-offended little gasp. Darcy smiled.

"You don't look like a SHIELD agent, and you're too young to be one of Steve's old friends…" he said.

"I'm an intern. For Jane. Dr. Foster."

"Right! Pepper told me, she's working with Bruce."

"Darcy was showing me some twenty first century technology. Do you have a Facebook account?" Steve asked. Tony waved his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, Pepper maintains it; I have over a million likes. Listen, Steve, I'm taking you out to dinner, there's a Mexican place that just opened and you have to try it."

Darcy got up and grabbed her laptop, clearly getting the vibe that Tony wanted to be alone with Steve. She wondered what Pepper thought of that. Natasha would know, but she was kind of scary and Darcy wasn't sure if she was brave enough to go ask her for gossip.

"See you later Steve!" she called out, heading down the hall. She was getting pretty hungry herself.

"It was nice to meet you, Darcy!"

She smiled to herself – Steve reminded her a little bit of her grandfather, in a weird way. There was an aura of sadness around him, but it was so much fun watching his expressions and gauging his reactions as she showed him new things. Darcy headed down to the lab to see if Jane wanted to go out for drinks.

XXX

Darcy had grown up in Minneapolis and gone to New Mexico for college, but she had never been to New York until SHIELD moved Jane's lab there. That, among others, was one of the reasons why she chose to rent an apartment in Brooklyn instead of living in the SHIELD building like Jane and the others. She liked walking and taking the subway, relishing the chance to take in the sights and sounds. Of course the universe has a wicked sense of humor, so that Saturday when Darcy decided to do the touristy thing and hang out in Times Square, giant spider-crabs attacked Manhattan.

The monsters were terrifying – Darcy hated bugs and these huge skittering clawed things with dripping, sticky mandibles were eating people. Then the Avengers showed up. She'd never actually seen them all in action before – Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye – but she was too terrified to do anything at all. She had her taser in hand but didn't think that would be of any use to her here. She was backed up against a wall, basically stuck like a deer in the headlights, watching people get gruesomely dismembered and the Avengers take down the monsters 0 it was clear that the superheroes were winning, but it wasn't quick. Or maybe it was, but each second felt like a minute. One monster, tow of its eight legs cut off, drunkenly stumbled towards Darcy and she brandished her taser, keeping her eyes wide open – and it slumped over, an arrow sticking out of its head. She tasered it anyway, just to be sure, and then Clint was at her side, wearing that horrible black and purple getup that showed off his muscled arms.

"I think it's pretty dead," he said with a small smile, but Darcy was in no laughing mood. She jammed her fists in hr pockets to keep them from shaking. The fight was dying down, and she saw a flash of red hair and black leather whiz by. Darcy wondered if she could get to the subway through the chaos, but as if he could read her mind Clint put a hand on her arm.

"Coulson's gonna want you to come back to SHIELD headquarters for the debriefing," he said.

"But I'm just a bystander!"

He shrugged and led her to a waiting car, where she was soon joined by a bloodstained Steve and a shirtless Dr. Banner, who was wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else. He was so clearly uncomfortable that Darcy pulled off her jacket and handed it to him; he tied it gratefully around his waist. Cling was the last one in the car and then they were off, no one talking much. Darcy was more shaken up than she wanted to admit, but it wasn't like anyone looked particularly animated. Jane was waiting for them when they arrived, giving Thor a hug as he came out of the other car. She broke away from him when she saw Darcy.

"What are you doing here? Are you okay?" she asked, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time," Steve said as Coulson appeared to whisk them away to an empty conference room. It was exhausting; they were asked question after question and made to recount every minute detail of the afternoon's events. It was Tony who got fed up first; stopping short of cursing Coulson out before he stormed off, effectively ending the meeting. Darcy just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep. She didn't feel like she had the energy or mindset to go all the way home, so she lingered in the hallway until someone noticed.

"You look tired," Natasha said.

"I am. Do you think I could…?"

"I have a couch you can sleep on."

Darcy had always found Natasha a little scary. She was hard to read, and the fact that even Tony viewed her with a mixture of fear and awe was pretty telling. Her apartment looked like a hotel; nice enough, but without much personality. She lent Darcy a pair of clean sweatpants and an oversized flannel button down that looked like it had once belonged to Clint. It just smelled kind of male. When Darcy got out of the shower, she found Natasha at the kitchen table with a bowl of hot chicken soup and rice.

"Did you make that?"

"I like to cook."

"Thanks, it's really good," she said as she ate, unexpectedly hungry. Natasha leaned back, examining her fingers. They were perfectly manicured, even after the fight. The silence was starting to bug Darcy, so she decided to fill it.

"So it's gotta be kind of weird to be the only girl Avenger, right?" she asked. Natasha shrugged.

"Sif is a formidable fighter. And being female has given me a few advantages here and there."

"Oh right, weren't you like a super spy Russian seductress at one point?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow and Darcy decided not to go there. She finished her meal and put the bowl in the sink, but Natasha wouldn't let her wash it.

"I put a blanket and pillow on the couch. You can watch TV if you want."

"Okay. Thanks."

Darcy curled up on the couch and watched reruns of old Degrassi episodes until she fell asleep, thankfully without nightmares or dreams of any kind at all.

XXX

On Monday, Darcy met Steve in the cafeteria when she went to grab some fruit and waste some time. He was sitting alone, drawing something in a sketchpad in front of a cup of coffee that had clearly gone cold. She of course, sat right down at the table across from him.

"Whatcha drawing?" she asked, and he spun the paper around to face her. It was a roughly sketched out picture of a guy in a World War II soldier's uniform, but from the way the lines were etched to make his face and the expression on it, Darcy could tell that this was someone who had been important to Steve.

"It's good. Was he your friend?"

"Yes. Bucky. He died. Not like – not of old age, like Peggy. I watched him die." Steve said, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm sorry, that sucks," Darcy said. She took a bite of her apple and chewed thoughtfully.

"So, did anyone tell you about cell phones yet?" she asked.

"You mean the little ones? Tony gave me one, but I can't figure it out. It's too complicated and my fingers are too big."

"Lemme see…of course you can't figure this out, it's so high-tech it probably won't even come out for another two years. Here, I'll teach you how to use mine." Darcy said, leaning over to show him how to call, text, take pictures and video. Only she got derailed on a long tangent explaining when it was appropriate to use acronyms and emoticons and when it wasn't, until Clint interrupted them, sliding in next to Darcy (she shoved over to make room) with a huge plate of sausages, bacon, eggs and toast.

"Hey, is that my shirt?" he asked, looking at her suspiciously.

"I don't know. Natasha lent it to me when I slept over there on Saturday," she said. Steve gave her a look and she waved her hand dismissively.

"It's not a big deal; I just crashed on her couch. You have a very dirty mind for a dude who's technically older than my grandmother," she said.

"Why are you still wearing it if she gave it to you two days ago?"

"It's comfortable! It's not like I didn't wash it. Stop interrupting! I'm teaching Steve to text."

"I think I've got it now, thank you," he interjected.

"Hey Clint, does SHIELD give you guys phones to use or do you have to buy your own?" Darcy asked. He was chowing down like there was no tomorrow, but then again almost all of the people at SHIELD ate way more than a normal human.

"They give 'em to you, if you ask nicely."

"Good. You should ask Coulson for a new phone. You're never gonna figure out the one Tony gave you, even I don't know what half this stuff does."

"There's only one button."

"Exactly. It's a problem."

"Might I join you, my friends?" a voice boomed, and Darcy looked up (and up) to see Thor standing in front of them with a big grin on his face and a tray of food. Steve moved aside to let him sit, tucking his sketchpad away and taking a small sip of his long-cold coffee. He made a face.

"How's it going, bro?" Clint asked, and Thor launched into a long story that involved some kind of misadventure in Asgard with the Warriors Three (it seemed like Sif had decided to stay out of it, which sounded smart on her part) and Darcy started to get a headache from trying to decipher Thor-speak into normal talk (Clint seemed to take it as a challenge), so instead she decided to go hang out in Coulson's office and bug him until he kicked her out and sent her back to the lab.

XXX

"No Mom, its part of the internship. Yeah, it's unpaid, but they're paying for my apartment and I get free food in the cafeteria. I promise, I will graduate." Darcy said, walking into the lab and collapsing into a black swivelly chair, sticking her sneakers on top of a pile of messy papers on Jane's desk. Despite the fact that she had her nose in a thick science book and her hand near a plate of delicious smelling cookies, she kicked Darcy's feet off the desk and they landed on the ground with a thud.

"Ow. No, I'm fine, Mom. I gotta go. Jane needs me. Bye." Darcy said, hanging up and shoving her phone into the pocket of her skinny jeans. She reached over for a cookie. They were chocolate chip, and amazingly chewy.

"Your Mom still on your case about school?" Jane asked, still not looking up.

"Yeah, but its fine."

"I can sign off on your credits and you could go back to New Mexico and graduate."

"Nah, it's okay. I wanna stretch this out for a little bit longer. It's not every day that a girl like me gets to hang out with superheroes. The Avengers, jeez Jane."

"I know, it's hard to believe sometimes, isn't it?"

"Mmm…" Darcy said, all thoughts of the conversation completely lost as she basked in the delicious chocolate gooey goodness.

"Oh my god, where did you get these, they're like warm heaven in my mouth."

"Steve dropped 'em by earlier. Apparently it's a coping mechanism? What with everyone he ever knew being dead."

"I thought that's what his art was for."

"A person can have more than one hobby. I, for example, am a professional 90s music video enthusiast, as you may know."

Darcy rolled her eyes. There wasn't really much to do in New Mexico, and the two of them had spent hours in an endless YouTube loop of Destiny's Child and Spice Girls videos one evening, fueled by various forms of alcohol. It had ended in a dance party that made Jane's trailer actually shake, and wicked hangovers the next day.

"Cookies!" Dr. Banner said, walking up and helping himself to a couple. He closed his eyes as the taste hit his tongue and Darcy had to giggle. She didn't think she'd ever seen such a look of pure happiness on his face before.

"I'm gonna go tell Steve what a hit his cookies are. Unless you need me for something?" Darcy asked Jane, who shook her head and made a shooing motion. Darcy grabbed a couple more cookies and headed towards the elevator.

When she knocked on Steve's apartment door and he didn't answer right away, she tried the knob and found that it twisted easily in her hands, so she just pushed it right open. The ensuing clatter made her think something was going on, but when she walked into the living room all she saw was Steve perched on a stool with his sketchbook and pencil in hand, while Tony reclined on the sofa, ostensibly posing for him. There was a dirty baking sheet in the kitchen, and a slow grin spread across Darcy's face as Steve stared at her helplessly and Tony just smirked.

"Did you guys bake cookies together?" she asked.

"No, I was just coming back upstairs when Tony showed up and asked me to draw him."

"I'm going to frame it and put it above my bed," he said. Darcy took pity on Steve, the look on his face sort of told her that it might not even be possible to embarrass the guy any more than he already had been, and Tony clearly took pleasure out of it.

"God, you're so full of yourself," she said, grabbing a soda out of the fridge. SHIELD had given Steve food that had been popular around the time he'd been alive, so the drink was something called Kirsch, whatever that was. It tasted fine, and she was thirsty.

"What are you even doing here?"

"Visiting a friend. And thanking him for the amazing cookies, can I have the recipe?"

"I improvised." Steve said.

"Well, next time you decide to make cookies, let me watch." Darcy said, shoving Tony's feet aside and settling on one end of the couch, turning on the TV. He gave her a look, but she chose to ignore him.

"You can keep drawing, I'm just gonna see what's on TV."

"Don't you have a job to do?" Tony asked. The same way Tony clearly enjoyed embarrassing Steve, Darcy was having fun bothering Tony. It was nice to know that she could still taser a god and piss off a billionaire with basically no repercussions.

"Nope. Carry on," she said, and settled on a marathon of America's Next Top Model, which actually kept Tony relatively quiet for a while.

XXX

Pepper had only been in town for two days when she announced that they needed a ladies' night out. She had come in to straighten up some kind of a problem with SHIELD's appropriation of the Iron Man trademark for … some reason or another, Darcy didn't really pay attention to enough of it to understand, and was clearly tired of cleaning up Tony's messes all day long.

"When?" Jane asked.

"Tonight. You two, Natasha, me, and Sif. It'll be fun. I know some great bars around here. What do you say; will you help me persuade them to join us?"

Darcy grinned and nodded. This sounded like a brilliant idea.

"Good. We'll meet in the front lobby at nine pm sharp." Pepper said, and walked off, her heels clacking on the floor.

"You sure you want to go drinking with that crew? Natasha's pretty dangerous, and Sif's a goddess. Literally," Clint said. He was hanging out in the lab with a burrito and a beer. It turned out that superheroes (even the kind with no actual superpowers) didn't have all that much to do when they weren't out saving innocent civilians from evil monsters, and since Darcy didn't have much to do either, she'd been hanging out with all of them. When she didn't go to them, they came to her. She'd even managed to get Thor to let her mess around with his hammer, though she'd needed his help to lift it.

"That's exactly why it's going to be so much fun. I gotta go find something to wear. And tell Sif and Natasha that they have to come with us or else I'll make Steve stop baking," she said, and Clint shook his head with a small smile as Darcy took off for the elevator.

Sif happily agreed to 'drink and make merry', and Natasha surprisingly required very little persuasion as well, saying that she'd actually really like a break from hanging out with guys all the time. Darcy, meanwhile, rummaged through her admittedly limited wardrobe until she finally just settled on a variation of her usual outfit – skinny jeans and a plain top, but with a fairly nice blue jacket and black kickass boots instead of Converse. Pepper Potts was known for being incredibly punctual, so Darcy met Jane (who she had to drag away from Thor, the two of them were locked in a make out session that could make both of them lose track of time easier than Tony) and headed to the front of the SHIELD building, where Sif and Natasha were already waiting. They were all dressed to kill – Sif looked slightly less intimidating out of her armor, whereas Natasha looked just as scary as usual in a blouse and pants that fit her almost as well as her leather cat suit did. Darcy felt a little bit like the underdog, like no one would ever notice her when surrounded by these gorgeous women, but put that thought out of her mind as she reminded herself that this wasn't about being noticed, this was ladies' night out – all about enjoying themselves and having a good time.

"I thought it might be better if we take a cab instead of use a SHIELD car, let's not make it any easier for Agent Coulson to keep tabs on us than usual," Pepper said, and they piled into the car, laughing and talking. Darcy had already spent some time with Sif, exchanging eye rolls across the table whenever they hung out in the cafeteria with the Warriors Three, and she'd slept over on Natasha's couch, which was more than almost anyone but Clint and Fury could say, plus she and Jane were almost like sisters, so that wasn't a problem. It was just Pepper that she didn't know very well, but she was talkative and friendly, and there were no awkward silences.

The bar was a small, crowded place that had cheap drinks and a spacious dance floor, playing all the Top Forty hits that Darcy hated to listen to unless they were in a place like this, where it didn't matter what kind of music was on because you were just tipsy enough to dance without reservations and among good company. They stayed in their own little group, not dancing with any of the guys but just hanging out with each other, laughing, talking, dancing and drinking the night away.

It was towards the end of the night, as they were winding down and thinking about heading back, that Darcy finally let the small nagging worry in the back of her head come to the forefront. She couldn't keep putting off school forever, but she didn't want to give this up – this camaraderie, this friendship among a group of people so different and unique you'd never imagine them hitting it off, but here they were. Darcy didn't want to go back to a normal life, not after she'd been exposed to possibilities that were so extraordinary.

XXX

Finally someone noticed that Darcy did basically nothing at all with her time. It was Tony, oddly enough, who broached the subject first, when he came into the gym looking for Steve and found Darcy chewing on Twizzlers and watching Steve annihilate yet another punching bag while Natasha and Clint sparred on the mat.

"I wouldn't interrupt him, he's working out some of that pent-up aggression from being frozen in ice for a few decades," Darcy said as she saw Tony eye Captain America from across the room. He took her advice, taking a seat on the ground next to her, leaning against the wall. She realized that he wasn't wearing a suit, as usual. Instead he had on a grease-stained white T-shirt and ragged jeans. The reactor that was keeping his heart from stopping glowed through his chest and Darcy resisted the urge to stare. She'd endured plenty of people staring at her chest, and out of polite consideration decided not to inflict that on others.

"Why are you all greasy and dirty?" she asked instead.

"I was working on something, and since Coulson and his friends refuse to let me take it back to my mansion, I had to come here to play with it."

"What's it?"

"A new metal alloy they want to use to experiment with Thor's hammer."

"Like he'd let them ever touch that thing," Darcy scoffed. Tony shrugged.

"I've got some pretty good powers of persuasion," he said, raising an eyebrow and leering at her.

"Just gonna remind you again that you're old enough to be my dad," she replied, shoving him playfully. He made a face and she grinned back. They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the view. The objects of their ogling knew they were being watched, and showed off a little bit.

"So how long are you going to stretch out your six credit internship with Dr. Foster?" he asked. Darcy was momentarily surprised, then she remembered that duh, Tony Stark was a super-genius, no matter how self-absorbed he might often seem.

"My mom keeps getting on my case about graduating." Darcy said, not answering the question.

"You're what, a political science major?"

"Yeah. With a minor in history. Why, do you have a job offer?"

"Maybe. I'm sure we could find you something. Pepper could probably use an assistant."

"Isn't she your assistant?"

"Maybe my assistant needs an assistant. Maybe Coulson needs an assistant. I could talk to Fury; see what he can come up with for you."

"That guy scares me."

"You're not scared of Natasha but you're scared of Fury? You've got your priorities all screwed up, you know that?"

"Stop talking about me!" Natasha called out. Clint tried to take advantage of her apparent distraction but she blocked his blow almost effortlessly. Tony Stark shook his head with a rueful smile and climbed to his feet, reaching out a hand to help Darcy up.

"Where are we going?" she asked, following him out to the lobby, where they got in the elevator and he hit a button that she had thought would set off the emergency alarm, but apparently it was secret code for the nineteenth floor, which Darcy didn't know existed.

"Is Fury's office on the nineteenth floor? The nineteenth floor that doesn't exist? Does Fury have kids?"

"No. What does that have to do with anything?" Tony asked, sincerely confused.

"Never mind. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Definitely."

That depended on your definition of the term, because Darcy found herself standing awkwardly in a corner while Tony and Fury engaged in a shouting match that had managed to clear the entire floor. She played with her taser to mask her anxiety, taking comfort in the little buzz of electricity. She had the feeling that this could last for hours, but she was not about to interrupt the two of them. She thought for a minute about tasering them to get them to shut up, but then figured that she probably didn't stand a chance against Fury and who knows what a massive jolt of electricity would do to Tony's reactor. She didn't want to kill him or anything. Plus she didn't really want to piss either of them off, since for some reason Tony was on her side and Fury would have to be persuaded to get on her side too, if she wanted to stay at SHIELD instead of go back to New Mexico, graduate, and probably work as a waitress somewhere.

"We can hear you from two floors down, sir." Coulson said. The guy had shown up out of nowhere.

"Freaking ninja," Darcy muttered. He looked at her, one eyebrow raised, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Coulson, find a position for Jane's intern here. Darcy, go make yourself useful. And Tony, get out of my office." Fury said. As soon as they were out of the office, Tony and Darcy exchanged high-fives, and Coulson motioned for her to follow him.

"Can you answer phones?" he asked.

"Duh."

"Can you type? Make spreadsheets? Plan events? Organize a calendar? Get coffee? Shred, copy and file?"

"You could probably train a monkey to do that." Darcy said, following him out of the elevator and into a labyrinth of cubicles and offices.

"Well, until Dr. Banner and Dr. Foster figure that out, you're going to do all of that. Maria here will show you the ropes and get you on payroll," he said, nodding at a dark haired woman in a SHIELD uniform. She stood up and nodded back at him.

"Thanks! This totally makes up for the time that you stole my iPod for a month!" Darcy yelled at his retreating back. She thought maybe she saw the corner of Maria's mouth twitch up in a little half-smile.

XXX

After Jane and Darcy had jumped up and down squealing for a good minute and a half, Thor picked them both up off the ground in a huge hug.

"We must celebrate this momentous occasion!" he exclaimed.

"Please put me down, I can't breathe," Darcy choked out, and he obeyed, apologizing.

"I'm not really in the mood for drinks; I'm still not over Friday night with Sif and the Warriors Three." Jane said.

"You Midgardians must simply learn to build your tolerance." Thor announced. Everything he said sounded like a proclamation, with that deep booming voice he had. Darcy shrugged.

"We can just, I don't know, order pizza and watch a movie or something," she suggested.

"Ooh, good idea. We can do it here. Invite Bruce, Tony, Steve, the whole gang."

"Clint and Natasha too."

"When?"

"Tonight's good for me."

"Me too. Thor, can you go and let everyone know? Darcy and I will go pick out a movie."

Thor bent down and gave Jane a long kiss that left her goo-goo eyed and grinning. Darcy had to actually shake her to get her to head over to the DVD cabinet and peruse Jane's collection of cheesy romantic comedies and British period dramas.

XXX

A few hours later, Darcy was gnawing on a pizza crust as she sat curled up on a pillow on the carpet, leaning back against the couch, where Jane and Thor had taken up almost all of the space, except the end, where Steve sat sipping on a beer. Bruce sat on one char and Tony was sprawled another, only half paying attention to the movie. He was gauging Steve's reaction to the movie and seemed to find that more interesting than what was going on onscreen. Natasha was sitting cross-legged on the floor, a half-empty pizza box in front of her. The whole group of them had gone through more than a dozen, but she was a slow eater. Clint sat next to Darcy, completely engrossed in the adventures of Kat Stratford and Patrick Verona.

"Haven't you seen this movie before?" Darcy whispered loudly. He shook his head and shushed her, but then she started giggling and couldn't stop.

"Pause it!" Clint commanded, and when Jane did as he said Clint pulled Darcy to her feet, dragging her to the adjoining bedroom and dumping her on the bed, heading back out to finish watching the movie. This of course made her laugh even more, and when she finally emerged and walked back into the living room she took Steve's beer and took a long gulp to calm her choking, handing it back and plopping back down in her vacated spot. Clint had taken it over, but she paid no attention and simply sprawled out half on top of his left shoulder and arm. He pushed her away and she obstinately pushed back and they ended up in a shoving match until Jane kicked them apart.

"Calm down, children," Tony said. Eventually the credits rolled, and Steve spoke up in that moment after a movie's over but before anyone's mustered up the energy to actually move their bodies.

"Is that how teenagers act now?" he asked.

"No, that's totally outdated, the movie came out in like 1999."

"How old were you in 1999?" Bruce asked.

"Nine. My age always matches the year, it's easy to remember."

"You make me feel so old!" Tony exclaimed.

"It's 'cause you _are_ old."

"I'd probably be about eighty if I hadn't been frozen in ice." Steve said. He had finished about six bottles of beer, but apparently part of his superpower was an inability to get drunk. Darcy wondered it also included a super strong bladder, because just looking at the empty bottles was making her want to pee.

"I am centuries older than all of you," Thor announced.

"You win," Darcy said, tipping her bottle at him and downing the remains in one gulp. Natasha got up and started gathering the crumpled napkins and empty pizza boxes, stacking them neatly and piling them on the kitchen counter.

"I miss Brooklyn." Steve said suddenly. The room was silent for a minute. Natasha gathered the empty beer bottles and started putting them up on the counter next to the pizza boxes.

"It's still there," Clint said.

"Not the one I knew."

"It sure is a shame you can't bury your sorrows in alcohol, Steve. Seems like that's a flaw your scientists should have spotted before they made you into a super soldier." Tony said, getting out of his chair.

"What time is it?" Jane asked.

"Twelve twenty-three." Darcy replied. Somewhere in the course of the evening she'd gone from sitting up against the couch to lying on the floor, her head propped up on a pillow resting on Clint's leg. She didn't really want to move.

"Steve, I'm going to crash at your place. Unless you'll let me sleep over at your place, Natasha." Tony said. She just looked at him and Steve nodded, a little weary looking.

"I'll get you a blanket. Good night," he said to the rest of them, and Darcy gave him a little wave as he headed out. Bruce was next and then Natasha headed out, leaving just Jane and Thor on the couch and Clint and Darcy on the floor. Nobody really wanted to move, they were too comfortable where they were.

"You're not going home this time of night, Darcy," Jane said sleepily.

"Mmhmm." Darcy murmured, closing her eyes.

"Okay, this might be really nice and cozy for you, but I'm getting a cramp in my arm," Clint said, pushing the pillow off his leg and setting it down on the floor. Darcy lifted her head up and tugged at his ankle as he got up to go.

"No, come back, you were my pillow!"

"You have a pillow. I'll see you in the morning."

"You suck." Darcy mumbled, and closed her eyes when she heard the door shut softly behind him.

XXX

Now that she was working full time over at SHIELD headquarters, and pretty much all of her friends worked or lived there, Jane kept bugging Darcy about just moving into one of the apartments on their floor instead of insisting on keeping her tiny place in Brooklyn. She spent almost half her nights sleeping over at Jane's anyway, especially when Thor wasn't around, but she still wanted to keep some semblance of her own space separate from everyone else. After she'd moved in though, she had never had anyone else over to her place, until Jane finally insisted.

"Okay, okay, you can come over. It's not very nice, it's just bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and my crap cluttered all around everywhere. Plus my cat."

"See, I've never even met your cat!" Jane exclaimed. It was late afternoon, and the sun was just starting to disappear behind the buildings as they came out of the subway. Darcy noticed a dark car driving slowly down the street as they turned a corner and walked closer to Jane until she could nudge her shoulder without being too obvious.

"Do you think someone's following us?" she whispered.

"I don't know, but it's kind of creepy." Darcy replied, and then Jane's question was answered as another dark car turned onto the street in front of them, effectively boxing them in. As the doors opened and big scary looking men began to come out, Darcy grabbed her taser and Jane pulled out her cell phone. Unfortunately, before either of them could do anything, they were grabbed, both arms twisted behind their back and Darcy winced as she felt the round barrel of a gun jammed into her back.

"Don't even think about making a sound."

The two of them were separated, shoved into the vans, and Darcy tried to wrench around to look out the window and see where they were taking her, but one of the men shoved a damp rag in front of her mouth and nose and everything went black.

When Darcy woke up, she was tied to a metal folding chair, her arms behind her back and a dull headache just starting to set in. She didn't really know where she was or anything about her surroundings, because she was facing a corner, plain white walls in front of her. She did the first thing that came to mind, which was to try and jerk her chair around so that she could see where she was. Unfortunately her feet were tied to the chair legs, so the whole thing fell down, bringing her with it, and she didn't have her hands free to break her fall. She hit the concrete floor hard, tasting blood in her mouth. The impact jarred her whole body and she groaned.

"That was dumb," a male voice said, picking the chair back up and Darcy with it. It was a big Asian guy that looked not at all familiar.

"Not as dumb as kidnapping me," she replied. He faced the chair back towards the corner and Darcy debated whether she should swallow the blood or spit it out.

"Why do you say that?"

"Dude. I work for SHIELD. I'm friends with superheroes. They're gonna be on your ass in no time."

"Ever think that's what we want?"

Darcy was glad that she had her back to him because she didn't think she could hide the momentary panic that crossed her face. Then she pushed the worry to the back of her mind. They were superheroes, and these were just guys with guns.

"Like you could take The Avengers on," she said. He didn't answer her, and when she yelled there was no response. Her voice echoed in the empty, cavernous room and Darcy tried her hardest to not let fear set in her mind.

XXX

"I have to pee!" Darcy yelled some time later. No one answered, but she knew they wouldn't have left her alone in here…would they?

"I said, I have to pee!" she yelled again. She really hoped that someone actually came because she couldn't think of anything more humiliating than wetting herself, though she was sure such things existed. She just didn't want to think about them.

"Stop shouting," the man's voice said, so close behind her that she would have jumped if she had been physically able to.

"Well, I have to pee," she said.

"I got that. Hold still."

"I don't really have a choice."

He knelt down and untied her legs from the chair, tying them back together. He did the same thing with her arms, so that she was free of the chair but still bound. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet, but she twisted around to half-face him.

"How am I supposed to walk with my feet tied together?" she asked. He turned her back around.

"Slowly," he said, pushing her forward in a kind of shuffle walk. She saw that she was in an empty room that had only one small window and no furniture other than the chair she'd been sitting in. He marched her towards the door, incredibly slowly. She probably would have stumbled and fallen if he didn't have his hand gripped firmly on her arm. They walked into a dark, plain hallway and into the first door on the right. The bathroom was tiny but seemed clean enough.

"What now?" she asked her guard.

"Now you pee."

"I can't do that with my hands tied behind my back."

He sighed and held the barrel of a gun to her back again, using his other hand to untie the ropes. She took in a quick breath, getting ready – and then, as soon as her hands were free, she grabbed onto his arm and jumped in the air, kicking backwards with both legs. It was a move she'd seen Natasha do, and she didn't think she could pull it off. She managed to connect with his groin but the gun went off, a bullet grazing the top of her shoulder and leaving a burning pain behind. The two of them tumbled to the floor, and she heard a thunk as the man's head hit the ceramic toilet bowl. She turned around and grabbed the gun out of his hands, scooting backwards as she pointed it at him. Her precaution was not necessary; the man had been knocked out cold. She put the gun down and untied her legs, using the rope to tie the man to the toilet. Then she peed, since she hadn't been lying about that and yes, it was awkward going to the bathroom with a man tied to the toilet but it wasn't like he was conscious.

When she was done, Darcy left the gun on top of the sink, out of the man's reach. She didn't want to take it with her since she'd never used a gun before and there was a higher chance she'd hurt herself trying to use it than actually cause damage to someone else. She pushed the top of her shirt to the side to look at her shoulder. There was a lot of blood, but it didn't hurt that much. She zipped her jacket shut and closed the bathroom door behind her, stepping out into the hall. She didn't have anything left in her pockets; they'd taken her bag, which contained her cell phone, wallet, and her iPod – why was everyone always taking her iPod? She just needed to get outside; once she was outside she'd be fine. Darcy ran down the hallway, pushing open doors as she passed them. Jane had to be here somewhere, right? Or maybe they'd taken her somewhere else. The rooms were all empty, discarded furniture here and there. She found a staircase and started running down it, taking the stairs two or three at a time, going so fast she felt like her feet weren't even touching the ground – and then she ran right into someone, taking them both down in a surprised yelp and a painful heap of limbs. She managed to get to her feet at the same time he did – he was wearing a suit, now dusty and rumpled, and then she recognized him.

"You're Justin Hammer! I saw you on the news, aren't you supposed to be in prison?"

"Not anymore. You're Darcy Lewis."

"How do you know my name?"

"I'm the one who arranged your kidnapping, of course!" he said proudly. Darcy swallowed. She thought she could probably take this guy; he was pretty scrawny and didn't seem to be armed.

She didn't have time to see who'd win that battle, however, because before either could make a move, Hulk came smashing through the wall, raining plaster and dust down on both of them.

XXX

It was complete chaos. Justin Hammer took off running and Darcy couldn't see anything in the hazy mess. She was coughing and stumbling, just trying to find a way out, when she saw a bright blue and red shield whiz past her head. She whipped around to see a scary looking guy knocked out on the ground, a pretty nasty looking welt on his forehead.

"Steve!" she yelled, but it was too noisy with the Hulk's roars, sporadic gunfire, and the noise of people yelling and shouting outside. She knew it was probably counterintuitive, but she turned around and ran back up the stairs. The air was clearer and she could actually see. She tripped over a piece of wall and landed hard on her knees, cursing under her breath as she stood back up and kept going up the stairs until there weren't any more. There was a metal door, and though it didn't seem to be locked it had jammed shut. She kicked it, and though the metal bent and buckled, it wouldn't open.

"Come on, come on!" she said, and gave it a mighty kick. The door burst open and she was on the roof, the fresh air like a warm gift to her lungs. She coughed for a few minutes, kicking the door shut behind her, and she hadn't even taken two steps forward when someone grabbed her from behind and held a knife to her throat.

"Are you serious? Really?" she said, and the grip tightened, the edge of the knife just breaking her skin and starting to bleed.

"Shut up or I'll kill you. You're my ticket out of here."

She didn't even recognize his voice, he could have been anyone. He maneuvered them to the edge of the roof, and Darcy could peer down the side of the building to see the fight raging below. There was Thor with his hammer, Tony and Steve doing their thing, Natasha being her badass self, and Clint keeping Hulk under control. None of them were looking up. Darcy hoped Jane was okay. If all of the Avengers were here that must mean either they'd found Jane and she was okay, or else she was somewhere here in this building. Also, hopefully, okay.

"Get their attention, come on," he told her.

"They're not gonna hear me, it's too noisy."

"Do it anyway."

"Hey! LOOK UP!" Darcy yelled as loud as she could. Steve looked up, though none of the others seemed to notice anything at all. She saw him say something to Tony – he was the only one of the Avengers that could fly, after all – but Tony was distracted with a guy in a suit. Was that Justin Hammer? She knew that the two of them had a personal rivalry thing going on, she'd picked up that much from Google and the news. Then she saw Clint disappear into a neighboring building, and Natasha take over with Hulk in his absence. The man pulled her back away from the ledge to the center of the roof.

"They heard you. Now hold very still, you got that? One move and you're dead."

"Whatever," Darcy said flippantly. She knew he needed her alive, if she died so did he. Moments later, they heard a helicopter above their heads and Steve jumped down, landing lightly on the roof. The helicopter flew back, far away enough that they could hear each other over the noise, but close enough that the wind from the propellers whipped Darcy's hair into her mouth.

"Let her go," Steve said.

"I need promise of a safe way out of here. I don't want to go to jail."

"Fine. I'll make sure you get out of here safely. Just let her go."

"How do I know you're not lying to me?"

"He's Captain America, you moron!" Darcy said. He pressed the knife in tighter and she felt warm liquid dribble down her chest. Then there was a whooshing noise just above her head and a little to her left, and the hand holding her went slack. She collapsed to her knees, all the strength gone out of her, and turned around to see the man who had been holding her lying on the cement, an arrow sticking out of his chest. She looked up across the way and saw Clint on the adjacent rooftop, in his purple and black costume. He gave her a funny little salute and disappeared from view. Darcy put her hand to her throat and it came away sticky with blood. Steve was at her side, helping her to her feet, and the helicopter came in closer.

"Are you all right?" he asked her, shouting to make himself heard. She tried to nod, but it hurt, so she just gave him a thumbs up, corny as it was. The helicopter couldn't land on the roof, it was too small of a space, so Steve grabbed her like she weighed nothing (Darcy most definitely weighed a lot more than nothing, blame the super soldier thing again) and hauled her up into the helicopter with him.

"Where's Jane?" Darcy asked as Steve pressed a white cloth to her neck, tying it around her like the story of that woman who had a ribbon around her neck only when she untied it her head fell off.

"She's fine, we found her."

"What about Hammer?"

"Tony's dealing with it. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Darcy pulled her jacket off and tried to move part of her top off but it had stuck to her skin with dried blood. Gross.

"We'll just leave it. I'm glad you're okay," Steve said with one of his slightly sad smiles. Darcy leaned back and closed her eyes. Damn, she was tired.

XXX

Darcy was lying in a tangle of blankets and pillows on her comfy old couch, with an assortment of junk food on the table and the TV turned on to a marathon of Jersey Shore, when the doorbell rang. She groaned and checked her phone. No new texts or missed calls from SHIELD. She had the day off to rest and recuperate and wanted to take full advantage of it.

"Who is it?" she yelled.

"Jane! Open up!"

Darcy kicked her blanket off and stood up, groaning a little. She was kind of sore just from being in the same position too long, not from the actual injuries she'd sustained, which were minor. Darcy opened the door and was nearly knocked over by the force of the hug Jane greeted her with. Darcy's cat Zig meowed a greeting, weaving in and out of their legs.

"So this is your cat? I finally get to see your apartment!" Jane said, shutting the door and looking around. Darcy made a face.

"It's kind of a mess, but whatever. Sorry I didn't come see you after they let me out of the hospital. I was really tired and Steve told me you were fine."

"It's okay, I understand. They told me you were pretty badass." Jane said, plopping down on the couch and picking up the cat, putting him on her lap. Darcy gave Zig a look; he never let her hold him or pet him unless he wanted to, but he let Jane manhandle him like they were best friends.

"Not really. The guy hit his head on the sink, it was a total accident."

"Yeah but you disarmed him and tied him to the toilet. Which Clint and Natasha found hilarious by the way."

"How can you tell what Natasha finds hilarious? She never smiles."

"She does smile, and it's really scary, but that's not the point."

Darcy sat down across from Jane on the couch, curling back up in the mess of blankets. They were holey and stained, but they were hers. That was kind of characteristic of her whole apartment, actually. Most of what she owned was a hand me down or thrifted, but it was all cozy and eccentric and _hers_.

"So what happened to you? Did they take you someplace else? I saw the news so I know Justin Hammer was just trying to get Tony to talk to him, but why'd they split us up?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. From what Tony said, Hammer's pretty incompetent at pretty much everything. I mean, it is Tony talking, but the fact that you were able to get yourself out of there without all that much trouble – no offense – kind of proves that point." Jane said. Darcy threw a pillow at her friend. It hit Zig, who yowled and leapt off the couch, going off to sulk somewhere.

"You're feeling okay though?" Jane asked. Darcy nodded.

"Yeah, the neck thing was just a scratch, and my shoulder's fine too. You got out fine too."

"Probably because I didn't try to escape."

"That's 'cause you knew Thor would rescue you."

"Hey, he's the brawn and I'm the brains."

"Wanna help me finish this ice cream?" Darcy asked. Jane grinned and got up to go grab a spoon.

XXX

When Darcy got back into work the next day, she was greeted by a big pile of paperwork that she had to sort through for Coulson. Since she didn't know what was Tony jerking him around and Fury actually trying to communicate something important without reading it all, which took up most of her morning, punctuated by fielding phone calls and answering her backlog of emails. Finally she finished right around lunch time, and headed down to the cafeteria to see what was up with the rest of the gang.

"Darcy! Join us!" Thor called out, and Darcy obeyed, sliding in next to Steve, who genially moved aside to give her more room.

"What are those, Legos?" she said, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"No, they're action figures!" Clint said, so delighted that Darcy nearly choked on her mouthful of food. She'd never seen him like this before, he was like a little kid. He held up the little Hawkeye for her to see.

"Very nice. Where did you even get that?" she asked.

"Tony got a hold of them somehow. They're prototypes, we're supposed to approve them before they go on the shelves of toy stores everywhere." Bruce said. He was eyeing the little plastic Hulk in his hands with some measure of apprehension.

"I think they got you pretty well, don't you think?" Darcy asked, looking at the little Captain America action figure standing in front of Steve's plate.

"I guess."

"This likeness of me is almost correct, but the nose is too big," Thor said, the action figure tiny in his large hands. Darcy snatched it away from him; he let her.

"Let me see. Oh my god, Thor, this nose is not too big. This is how you look. Go check yourself out in a mirror," she said. Thor reached up to touch his nose and Darcy laughed.

"Don't worry, you're still hot."

Clint snorted and Darcy thought she saw Bruce crack a smile. Then she saw Bruce grab his trash and get up to leave, and suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, did anyone find my iPod in that building I was in?" she asked.

"What?"

"They took my bag. Somebody found it and Jane dropped it off at my place yesterday, but my iPod wasn't in it."

"What is it with you and losing your iPod all the time?" Clint asked.

"I didn't lose it, somebody took it! Both times!" Darcy protested.

"I didn't see it, and I'm sure if Coulson found it he would have given it back to you by now," Steve said. Darcy slumped over and laid her head on the table dejectedly. Yes, she was being a little overdramatic, and yes, everything on her iPod had been backed up on her computer so it wasn't like she had lost all of her music (she learned from her mistakes) but still!

"You can afford a new one, SHIELD pays well," Clint said. Darcy mumbled something inaudible, and Steve put his hand on her shoulder.

"Tony has been talking about taking me to the mall, do you want to come with us? We can help you pick out a new iPod."

"You sure he'd be okay with that?" Darcy asked, raising her head up and finally taking it off the table. It smelled like old tuna fish anyway.

"I don't see why not. We're going to meet in the lobby at three."

"I don't get off until five."

"I'll tell Tony, I'm sure he'll figure out a way to get Coulson let you take off early." Steve said. Darcy grinned and nodded.

"You're awesome, Steve."

XXX

Chapter Text

Darcy gnawed on the cap of her pen as she stared out the window. It was thundering, and the rain pattered in streaks on the bullet proof glass. She had finished all of her work but Coulson was a stickler for punctuality, which annoyingly included staying until five even if she had nothing to do. She browsed through the files on the hard drive of her computer, checking to see if SHIELD had accidently given her access to confidential files about aliens or supervillains. Unfortunately, they'd been pretty thorough. She checked Coulson's schedule instead, and found something suspicious booked for eight thirty pm tonight, so she wandered into his office, not bothering to knock.

"Yes sir, I understand. Right."

He was on the phone, and glared at her when she walked in, but she waited patiently until he hung up.

"Yes?" he said.

"Who are you meeting for drinks tonight? Do you have a secret girlfriend? Or a secret boyfriend? I'm your assistant, I need to know. For science."

"Political science?"

"Yes, exactly."

"I'm meeting Ms. Potts after dinner."

"But she's with Tony."

"And?"

Darcy thought she probably had a very weird expression on her face, because Coulson took pity on her and explained.

"Ms. Potts and I meet every week for drinks. We're friends. I do have a social life outside of SHIELD."

"I'm not sure if Pepper counts." Darcy said. She glanced up at the clock above Coulson's head and saw that it was time to go.

"Well have fun on your not-a-date, boss!" she said, making sure to take down the name of the place they'd be meeting at before grabbing her bag and heading out. Instead of going home, however, she stopped by the cafeteria, where she plopped down at a table across from Natasha and Clint. Natasha seemed to be absorbed in the contents of her plate, but Clint didn't let that deter him, chattering away about zombies or something.

"Hey, Natasha, I need your help." Darcy said without preamble. She raised one eyebrow. Darcy was jealous, she could never figure out how to do that no matter how hard she practiced.

"I need you to teach me how to be a spy," she said. Clint snorted and Darcy shot him a dirty look. He hid his face in his can of soda.

"I was trained since the age of seven. How much time do you have?" she asked.

"Oh, it's not that serious, I just need you to teach me how to be sneaky. I want to spy on Coulson; he's going on a date." Darcy said.

"Agent Coulson? A date? I think you're mistaken."

Clint actually started choking on his drink, inadvertently spraying some on Natasha, who ignored him completely.

"Will you teach me?"

"If you get caught, it's not my fault."

"Deal."

XXX

Darcy had researched the bar online while she was picking out an outfit. She would have thought that Pepper would go for something really upscale and classy, but apparently they'd settled on someplace a lot more inconspicuous. Darcy had put her hair up in a bun and put on some clothes that Jane had bought her a while ago that she'd never worn – a flowy skirt and a button-down top. She put on a lot more makeup than she usually would have, and took the subway to the predetermined location, arriving at about eight. Natasha said it was important that she get there before Coulson or Pepper arrived because if she came in while they were already there, they'd look up and maybe recognize her. She didn't get a table but sat down at the bar, ordering one drink and taking slow sips from it to make it last longer. She had no intention of spending a ton of money or getting drunk, this was purely for satisfying her own curiosity. Thankfully the place was about half full, so it wasn't just her and an empty room. Coulson arrived first, still dressed in the suit that Darcy thought might just be all he owned in terms of clothes. Even Nick Fury's majestic black leather coat had more personality than Coulson's boring suits, but she supposed that for his purposes it might be good to fade into the background. Like the Secret Service. Only they were kind of hard to ignore, since they were usually really hot and buff. (The President had visited Darcy's town once during an election year, and all she remembered were Secret Service and scary looking dogs).

He took a seat at an empty table near the back, but thankfully it was within hearing distance. A few minutes later Pepper came in, looking just as gorgeous as usual. She was wearing work clothes; she must have come straight from there. Coulson got up to give her a friendly hug when she went over to his table, and Darcy heard her call him 'Phil', which was weird. She'd never heard anyone call him anything but Coulson. Then some guy slid into the stool next to Darcy and tapped her arm to get her attention.

"Hey, I've never seen you here before," he said. She pushed him off impatiently.

"Ssh, I'm busy!" Darcy said. The man mumbled something under his breath and went away.

"I know, Tony's just like a child sometimes. At least I only have to deal with him, and I really don't mind it that much." Pepper said.

"I have to deal with Thor - a god of thunder; Clint insists on using the most inconvenient places to practice his archery, yesterday an agent was shot in the stomach! No respect for rules or boundaries!"

"Oh my god, were they okay?"

"Yes, he was using foam-tipped darts. But the paperwork…" Coulson trailed off, sighing. Pepper made sympathetic noises and Darcy had to resist turning around in her seat to get a better look at the two of them. It was weird, she'd never have pegged the two of them as friends, but apparently they had a lot in common. Maybe she wouldn't even tease her boss about this tomorrow. Darcy slid off her stool and paid for her drink, heading out into the fresh night air. On second thought, maybe she would. She wondered if Tony knew that his girlfriend had a standing date with Agent Coulson, a guy she knew for a fact he found supremely annoying. Maybe she should spread a few rumors, she thought, a wicked smile spreading across her face as she headed home, a veritable spring in her step.

Chapter Management

Chapter Text

Darcy didn't really know all that much about Dr. Bruce Banner. She'd spent time with Steve, obviously, teaching him about the 21st century, and if you spent any time at all with Steve you'd end up hanging out with Tony. She'd hung out with Thor, because of Jane and also because she liked him. Clint and Natasha were always around because they didn't really have a life outside SHIELD, but she hadn't spent much time with Bruce at all. It was partially because he didn't seem all that interesting. He was very soft spoken; maybe even a little bit awkwardly shy. He just hadn't really crossed her radar much. She knew he roomed with Clint, and she'd seen his other side in action a few times, but not close up or anything. SHIELD and Bruce both didn't seem to want to unleash the Hulk unless it was absolutely necessary.

As far as the Avengers in action, Darcy had seen them a few times in person, and then caught them on the news sometimes as well, but she'd never had this perspective before. As Coulson's assistant, she was in a big conference room with a bunch of other lower level SHIELD people, munching on snacks while watching everything go down on a big projector screen. Coulson was off somewhere with people who were actually coordinating and managing what was going on, but everyone in this room wasn't important enough for that, so they were just enjoying the show. Most of them had never really met any of the Avengers except in passing, so they weren't even all that invested in them as much more than superheroes, but Darcy knew all of them personally, and there was a knot at the pit of her stomach as she watched her friends battle giant robot scorpion creatures. She tried to hide it with food, munching on a handful of popcorn as she watched. As usual, Hawkeye was perched on a rooftop, carefully placed arrows hitting where they were most needed. She could see his lips moving as he told the others where to go and what to do. Black Widow was flying here there and everywhere (not literally), a blur of motion. Captain America was hurtling his shield where it was needed, and Thor was throwing his hammer at the robots. She couldn't see Iron Man, and then he flew into view, hitting them with blasts from his hands. She couldn't see the Hulk anywhere – maybe SHIELD had decided he wasn't needed? Darcy didn't know much about this sort of thing, but the Avengers seemed to be pretty evenly matched against these scorpion things.

Then one of the scorpions got too close. It whipped its tail around – Darcy wondered if it actually had a poisonous stinger like the animal it was modeled after – and then her question was answered as Captain America had his guard down for just a second and the metal tail pierced right into his thigh. It must have been pretty state of the art stuff to get through his costume, and the room let out an audible gasp as he collapsed to his knees and then to a red white and blue heap on the pavement. Hawkeye had an arrow ready and the scorpion that had attacked their leader was incapacitated within seconds, Thor's hammer reducing it to crumpled metal soon after. Darcy knew that they were all dying to get to Captain America and carry him out to safety, but they couldn't – there were still more of the scorpions, and tons of panicked people running around in obvious danger. She wished she could be out there doing something but knew that she'd be just another liability and was much better off here inside. She saw Hawkeye provide cover and keep the scorpions away as Black Widow darted out and started dragging Captain America to the relative safety of the awning of a small restaurant nearby. Once she got him to safety, she stayed right there and fought off anything that came their way. With two of the Avengers thus distracted or out of the fight, they were quickly becoming the losing side of the battle. Until SHIELD brought in the Hulk.

He was incredible. In a lot of cases you needed tactics, strategy and planning, but sometimes just brute force was enough. The battle was over in what seemed like no time at all, and the screen become a lot less interesting once it was simply a view of a destroyed couple of blocks with nothing actually happening. Everyone in the room started to disperse, and Darcy let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Then she took off running to the fourth floor, which is where she knew that the Avengers would be debriefed. She waited in the hallway for what seemed like an hour before the first one of them came out of the conference room. It was Natasha, still dusty and bruised in her black outfit, her face showing just the slightest signs that she was exhausted. She took off for the elevators, and Darcy ran to catch her.

"Natasha! What happened? Is Steve okay?" she asked.

"I don't know. They said that the scorpion venom had to be pretty strong to get past his super soldier body, he's in medical right now. There's nothing we can do."

"Well can't they find out who made the scorpions and see if there's an antidote?"

"SHIELD is working on that, but the person who would know the most about that is Dr. Banner, and he's also in medical."

"Why?"

"He has to be kept quarantined for a day or two after his transformations because of the radiation. I need to go shower," Natasha said, and Darcy stepped aside.

It took her a while to track down where Steve was, but then they wouldn't let her in the room. Apparently even Tony hadn't been able to finagle his way in, so Darcy felt a little bit better about that, and they told her Steve was stable, whatever that meant. She had even caught a glimpse of Coulson as he walked quickly down the hallway, and his usually carefully controlled face was looking pretty upset. She didn't really want to be around any of them right now if she couldn't see Steve, so she wandered around Medical until she found a door marked Quarantine. Oddly enough it was unlocked, which didn't seem all that safe to her, but she pushed it open and found herself in a small antechamber that had one glass window wall looking into another room which contained a dark figure with a mop of unruly dark hair. It looked like a prison cell, with a small toilet and sink on one side and a bench with a blanket and pillow on the other. Darcy rapped on the glass and the figure turned around and sat up. It was Bruce, looking pretty disheveled and beat up. He gave her a confused look and then walked over, picking up a telephone.

"This really is like a jail, jeez," she said, finding the other end of the phone and picking it up.

"You're not supposed to be here," he said. His voice was hoarse.

"You look like hell. And if I'm not supposed to be here they should make it harder to get in."

"You're the first person to visit me down here."

"Well I didn't even know that you had to spend a day here after you … uh… became all big and green, so I bet a lot of the others don't know either. If they did they'd be here."

"Not this time, not with – not with Steve…"

"They said he's stable."

"I need to be in my lab, I could be working on an antidote right now if it wasn't for – if – " he trailed off, and Darcy heard a gentle beeping become more insistent.

"Hey, I don't think that's a good sound, maybe you should calm down. Think happy thoughts! Kittens, rainbows, teddy bears, Natasha's secret love of 80s teen movies…" she said. He gave her a small smile and the beeping faded.

"If he's stable that means he can wait a day until you're okay to come out. And anyway I'm sure they have all the other SHIELD people working on it. Jane would, except she's more of a physics person, and Tony would if he wasn't a engineer person…hey what do you even do down here? For a whole day? They didn't even give you a magazine."

"Usually they do, but this time they were a little bit preoccupied."

"Well do you want me to bring you something to do? I mean I could kinda use the distraction myself, and even if I can't go in there this wall is glass so I could bring my laptop down here and we could watch TV or something."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yup, I'm gonna do that. I'll be back, wait here." Darcy said, and before he had the chance to respond she had dropped the phone and hurried off to bring Bruce back some entertainment.

Chapter Text

Since Darcy couldn't stay with Steve, she stayed down with Bruce instead, setting up her laptop at an angle where he could see the screen from the other side of the glass. Darcy took her bag and settled her chin on it like a pillow, lying flat on the smooth, cool ground. She'd had a tough time trying to decide on a movie, but found something suitably calm and soothing to watch – unfortunately, Darcy was not a fan of movies of that sort. Bruce seemed to be happy to have anything at all to do other than sit and meditate, but Darcy was bored out of her mind within minutes. She sat up and leaned against the opposite wall, pulling out her phone. She had two new texts, both from her weird neighbor who kept trying to flirt with her every time they passed in the hallway. It would be flattering, except he was at least thirty years older than her and completely bald. Darcy preferred her potential romantic interests to have at least some hair. She looked at Bruce's hair. It was very fluffy. She wondered why that didn't transfer over to the Hulk. He had hair too, but it wasn't nearly as fluffy as Bruce's hair.

Darcy texted Jane to see if she knew anything about Steve's condition, but Jane didn't respond. She was probably busy with SHIELD trying to figure out where those robot scorpions came from. Or maybe she was working on an antidote. Not that it was her area of expertise. Darcy wished she could be of more use. A talent for organizing and assisting Coulson wasn't really going to be something helpful in this case.

"You okay, Darcy?" Bruce asked, looking up from the movie. She realized that her eyes had begun to tear up and swiped the back of her hand across her face hastily, nodding.

"I'm fine. Just – let's just watch the movie," she said, lying back down on her stomach, yanking the front of her shirt down so that it protected her skin from the cold floor. Bruce didn't press her further, and though Darcy tried her hardest to focus on the movie, she ended up falling asleep not even half an hour in.

Darcy woke up incredibly uncomfortable. She didn't realize where she was until she sat up from where her face had crunched against her laptop keyboard and freaked out for a second when she didn't see Bruce anywhere. The room he'd been sequestered in was empty. She picked up her phone to check the time – it was the next day already, nine in the morning. Her whole body ached from the awkward sleeping location. She wondered why nobody had come and found her, normally SHIELD would notice this sort of thing – or at least they were supposed to? Then somebody touched her gently on the shoulder and she jerked upright so quickly she felt something in her neck crack.

"Whoa, it's just me."

Darcy stretched her neck with her hand as she looked up to see Bruce standing over her, his hair and clothes slightly rumpled and his eyes a little bleary with sleep. He must have just woken up too.

"How'd you get out of there?" she asked.

"Once the radiation levels go down to an acceptable level, the door's programmed to open. I think you have some missed calls," he said, pointing at her phone where she'd left it on the floor. Darcy grabbed it and checked to see who it was – there were three missed calls – two from Jane and one from Clint – and a text from Natasha saying that they were letting visitors in to see Steve now. Darcy shoved her things into her bag and stood up so fast she nearly fell.

"Why are you still here? Go down to the lab! They need your help finding an antidote for whatever's making Steve sick!" Darcy exclaimed as he held out a hand to steady her before she fell.

"I was on my way, I just thought maybe I should wake you up first. That didn't look too comfortable."

"It wasn't. I'm sore all over."

"Thank you for staying with me."

"No problem. I gotta go now, and so do you. Later, Bruce!" Darcy yelled, taking off running down the hall. She hadn't gotten very far when she ran right into someone – specifically banging her nose on their chest.

"What's the rush? Are you okay? You look like you've been up all night," Clint said as she straightened her glasses. He was out of his uniform, wearing a comfortable looking sweatshirt and jeans. He looked annoyingly well-rested, and Darcy knew she looked a complete mess. She probably still had red keyboard marks pressed into her cheek.

"I fell asleep on the floor outside of Bruce's quarantine room."

"What?"

"It's – never mind. Where's Steve?" she asked.

"Come with me, I'm heading there too," he said. She walked with him down the hall, acutely aware of his … general larger-than-life-ness. Even though he was one of the less flashy Avengers, he still had a certain way of carrying himself that set him apart from the general population. It was strange, and it set him apart. Natasha had the same thing, but she was better at turning it on and off whenever she felt like it. Clint didn't seem to have that ability. Maybe it wasn't necessary in his line of work.

"Did you get hurt yesterday? I mean – is everyone else okay?" Darcy asked.

"Yeah, just cuts and bruises, nothing serious. The way that none of the scorpions tried to sting any of the rest of us has Fury thinking that this was specifically to put Steve out of commission, to demoralize us and attack the most … upstanding superhero we've got."

Clint pushed open a door and Darcy went through, ducking under his arm and into a small hospital room where Steve lay unconscious in a bed. Tony was fiddling with the monitors and machines that he was hooked up to, despite Pepper slapping at his hand and commanding him to stop messing with it all.

"You're not a doctor, leave that alone!" she said, just as Clint and Darcy came in.

"Hey," Darcy said to Pepper, who gave her a weary smile. Clint walked over to Steve's bed and looked at him solemnly. Darcy joined him a few moments later. Steve looked different asleep, more like a statue of a person than an actual person. He was kind of pale, and his hair was lank and stuck to his face with sweat.

"What do they think?" Clint asked Pepper.

"He's stable for now, but he's been unconscious the whole time. They've got most of the science department working on finding an antidote using samples of the poison from the robots you incapacitated as well as a blood sample from Steve to see how it's working with his super soldier body," she said.

"They don't know what the hell they're doing down there, only Bruce can – " Tony started angrily, but Darcy cut him off, talking before she even realized that interrupting an angry Tony Stark might not be the best idea.

"He went to the lab as soon as they let him out, I just saw him go," she said.

"I should go help," Tony said. For the first time since she'd met him, he had no wise-cracks to offer, but was almost vibrating with rage, frustration, worry – or maybe a combination of all of those things. Darcy knew how he felt, they all cared about Steve, his weird mixture of innocence about the twenty first century with the sense of grief and loss that he carried with him because he had lost everyone he loved made for a pretty amazing superhero but also just a really great guy. The fact that he was the one who was injured had everyone concerned. Darcy took his big hand in hers and squeezed it. Even if he couldn't feel it, it made her feel better.

"Tony, you build machines, not antidotes – " Pepper started. Clint watched, but wisely stayed out of the argument.

"I need to do something! I can't just stand here! Clint has that part covered," Tony snapped, heading out. The door slammed behind him. Pepper sighed and sat down, running her fingers through her hair.

"He didn't mean it, he's just a little on edge," she said. Clint nodded.

"We all are."

Pepper left after about half an hour, and a few minutes after that Clint stood up as well, looking at Darcy.

"You coming? You look like you could use some sleep. And a shower. When was the last time you ate?"

"You're not my mom," Darcy said petulantly. She still hadn't let go of Steve's hand.

"Come on, let's go. He'll be fine. You can come up to my apartment and use our bathroom. I'll make you a sandwich."

Darcy let go of Steve's hand and brushed his hair aside, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. It tasted salty and kind of gross, but she didn't care.

"You have to wake up. We still haven't gone to a twenty first century mall yet. You've gotta help me pick out a new iPod," she said softly. There was no response, but Darcy hadn't expected one. She headed to the door that Clint was holding open, ducking under him to walk into the hallway.

"What kind of sandwich?"

XXX

Clint was surprisingly good at sandwich making, as Darcy found out after she borrowed his bathroom to take a shower – though she couldn't change and had to put the same SHIELD work clothes she'd been wearing since yesterday – a black button down over a tank top and a pair of nice dress pants. At least they didn't smell or anything, and her hair smelled like Head and Shoulders instead of linoleum floor.

"So do you have a dandruff problem?" she asked as she took a huge bite. Avocado was in the sandwich somewhere. It was amazing. She wasn't sure if she should tell Clint that though, he kind of let compliments go to his head.

"What?"

"Head and Shoulders. I couldn't find normal shampoo so I just used that."

"It's not mine, Bruce uses it. Didn't you find a towel?" he asked, eyeing the small puddles of water that were forming on the table from the ends of her wet dark hair.

"I like letting it air dry. So the Hulk has a dandruff problem? That's good to know. For blackmail purposes."

"What could you possibly want to blackmail Bruce for? The guy is sickeningly nice. And I'm his roommate, I should have fixated on all his annoying habits by now, except he doesn't have any."

"I bet you do. He's probably too nice to say anything to you." Darcy said knowingly. Clint eyed her now-empty plate as she shook her fingers of any residual crumbs.

"Liked the sandwich?"

"It was okay."

"Right. Want another one?"

Darcy nodded and gave him a huge grin. He rolled his eyes and picked up her plate, walking over to the kitchen to fix her a second sandwich.

Darcy spent the rest of the morning in Clint and Bruce's apartment, eating sandwiches and trading snarky insults with Clint until she got bored of that and started rummaging through his CD collection instead as he watched her from the couch.

"Seriously? You still have CDs? That's so old school."

"Well I'm not exactly young."

"Hah. Old man. Do you have anything besides country though?"

"Nothing's wrong with country."

"Oh right, you play it, I remember. What do you do, sing with a guitar? Do you wear a cowboy hat? Please tell me you wear a cowboy hat." Darcy said. Clint shook his head but said nothing, and she thought she could detect the faint beginnings of a blush.

"Do you still have one? Is there proof? Photographic evidence? Oh my god!" she said, darting into the closet near the front door and rummaging through the coats.

"Hey! Stop going through our stuff, that's all Bruce's anyway!" he said, and she obeyed, plunking down at the other end of the couch instead.

"I'm bored, and Jane's not answering my texts. Wanna come with me down to the lab and see how much progress they're making?" she asked. Clint shook his head.

"I don't think they'd want me down there. I'll just stay here and see what's on TV."

"Okay. Thanks for the sandwich!" Darcy said, grabbing her bag and heading for the door. He raised one arm in a goodbye wave.

"Anytime," he said, and she shut the door behind her.

There was more than one lab in SHIELD, but each one was for a different purpose. Darcy figured that Bruce's lab would be the one that they'd be using for this kind of work, so she headed straight there instead of checking at Jane's lab first. The door was open and the place was a bustle of activity, so much so that nobody even noticed her walk in. Bruce was mumbling something and writing equations on a large clear board, while various other SHIELD scientists in white coats busily mixed chemicals and peered down microscopes, along with other science stuff that Darcy knew she couldn't possibly hope to understand. Jane was sitting a few feet away from Bruce, looking a little helpless, so she walked over to her.

"Hey, how's everything going here?" she asked her friend.

"I don't know, Bruce is lost in whatever's happening over there on that board. I was trying to help, but this is all way out of my field."

"It's okay, at least you know more about it than I do. Have you gone to see Steve?"

"No, I don't – I didn't want to intrude, I don't even know him that well. Tony came in here a few hours ago but Pepper had to come and make him leave. He's really upset."

"Yeah, he and Steve are pretty close. I'm sure Bruce will figure something out though."

"You're probably right, but in the meantime I feel horrible. Where have you been all morning? Did you go home?" Jane asked.

"Nah, I was at Clint's apartment, messing around to keep my mind off things. You wanna go for a walk or something? If you're not doing much here..."

"No, I'll stick around. Maybe I'll see a connection or a pattern that Bruce misses…though I doubt it." Jane said. She looked thoroughly miserable, and Darcy couldn't resist grabbing her in a quick hug. Jane tensed, clearly a little surprised, because Darcy wasn't really that much of a hugger, but she went with it, though it took her a minute to start hugging back.

"I got it!" Bruce exclaimed suddenly, and the two women broke apart to look at him. About half of the SHIELD scientists stopped what they were doing to stare in his direction. Darcy wondered if they were worried that he'd Hulk out from excitement or something.

"What did you get?" Darcy asked, even though she knew she probably wouldn't understand the answer. Bruce's eyes came to rest on hers and he looked a little taken aback that she was here – he obviously hadn't heard her come in.

"I think I've figured it out. I need to verify this though…how can I reach Fury? Do any of you have his number?" he asked.

"No, Coulson won't give it to me because he thinks I'll send him 'distracting text messages'," Darcy said, making air-quotes with her fingers. One of the SHIELD scientists stepped forward and offered Bruce her phone. He thanked her and immediately started talking in fast tones of excitement. Darcy saw the others take a few steps back – he wasn't getting overexcited, but for his usual mellow self this was a pretty major change. Darcy herself figured that if he decided to become his giant green alter-ego it wouldn't really matter if she was a few feet away from him or yards away from him so she stayed put. After a few minutes he hung up and smiled at everyone. Darcy hadn't really seen him smile all that much, it was a good look on him.

"Coulson'll be down in a few minutes so that we can test this out and see if it works," he said.

"You're gonna test the antidote on Coulson?! Are you going to poison him?" Darcy blurted out. He looked at her like she was crazy.

"No. He's bringing down a rat. We're going to poison it and then inject it with the antidote."

"But that's animal abuse!"

"Would you rather we try it on Steve without knowing if it will work or make him even worse?" one of the scientists replied, clearly offended.

"I'm not gonna stay here and watch you guys torture rats. Text me if it works, Jane, okay? I'm gonna go down to the gym for a while."

Darcy sat on a bunch of piled up exercise mats and watched Natasha practice sparring with Thor in the gym. He was obviously taking it easy on her, but she was attacking him with everything she had, clearly channeling some frustration and anger out on him. He didn't seem to mind being her punching bag; he was a pretty cool guy in that regard. Darcy played with her phone and then just leaned back and watched, trying not to think about the what ifs that were flying through her mind (chief among them being what if the antidote didn't work and nobody ever managed to wake Steve up from his coma?). She knew that Coulson and Fury were trying to figure out who was behind the robot attacks while Jane and Bruce worked on an antidote, but she wondered what Tony was doing. At least he was with Pepper. She would take care of him.

Darcy's phone buzzed and Natasha stopped what she was doing. Thor nearly whacked her on the side of the head when she didn't dodge his blow but stopped himself just in time. Darcy picked up her phone. It was Jane.

"He got it. He figured it out. They gave Steve the antidote. He should be waking up in the next few minutes," Darcy said. Natasha hesitated, but Thor's face broke out into a giant grin. It was just like the profile photo she'd set up for his Facebook page, back when she'd first met him. Darcy couldn't help but smile back.

"Let us go to welcome Steve when he finally wakes! He will be pleased to see his fellow warriors gathered at his bedside," he declared in his booming voice. When Thor said something like that, it was very hard to disagree, and the three of them headed over to Medical without any further ado.

Tony was already there – Darcy had no idea how he'd gotten here this fast, last she heard he was back at his place with Pepper, but maybe he'd used his Iron Man suit. Clint was here too, as was Coulson and Pepper, and Jane and Bruce were there as well. When Natasha, Thor and Darcy walked in, Coulson gave a small twitch that Darcy had learned to recognize as his version of a smile.

"What's his status?" Natasha asked.

"It should take only a few minutes to work; it's a very fast acting chemical. He was only injected with it a few minutes ago. You're all very fast." Bruce said.

"We're superheroes, what did you expect?" Clint said, and Bruce shrugged. Natasha gave Clint one of their looks and he shut up. Those two had a whole secret spy body language thing that they used to communicate with each other, it was pretty cool.

Then without any fanfare or any indication from any of the machines and monitors he was hooked up to, Steve opened his eyes. He didn't do anything as the room grew silent, just froze in place completely as he looked around, taking in their faces.

"Something bad happened to me," he said.

"No shit, Sherlock," Tony said.

"Am I hurt?"

"Not anymore. Well, you might have a headache, but other than that…" Bruce said.

"You scared the shit out of us, Cap," Clint said. Steve sat up slowly, the sheet covering him falling back just enough for Darcy to remember how incredibly built he was (he was wearing a T-shirt but it didn't leave much to the imagination).

"I had a dream – a really vivid dream. It was – it was about Peggy and Bucky. It was so…real." Steve said, and the expression on his face was heartbreaking. Nobody really knew what to say to that. Steve apparently sensed their discomfort, and changed the subject quickly.

"I remember fighting giant robot scorpions. Did one of them sting me?" he asked. Coulson started to explain exactly what had gone down after Steve had lost consciousness and Darcy moved to stand next to Jane, resting her head against her shoulder. Jane stroked Darcy's hair and she let herself take comfort in that for a few minutes. When Bruce said in his mild but firm voice that they should probably let Steve rest for a little while, they each started heading out slowly. Eventually it was just Jane, Tony and Darcy in the room. Tony looked at the two of them expectantly like he was not going to leave the room until they did, so Jane walked up to Steve and smiled.

"I'm glad you're okay, Steve. You had us all really worried for a while," she said. He smiled back at her and thanked her. Then Darcy came up and took his hand.

"You have to hurry up and get better, okay? I didn't forget that you're supposed to go to the mall with me," she said. Tony coughed.

"And Tony. Me and Tony. And I know as soon as you get better they'll send you off on some kind of a mission so you have to hurry up and get better and sneak off to the mall with us before another robot invasion takes Manhattan. I'll buy you a Cinnabon. They didn't have those in the forties, did they?"

"Cinnamon buns?"

"No, Cinnabon. Very different. Okay, not really. But still. Hurry up, yeah?" Darcy asked. He smiled and nodded, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"If Tony keeps bugging you just call Natasha or Pepper, they'll take care of him for you. I'm glad you're okay." Darcy said.

"Okay, okay, cut all this melodramatic crap and just go already! Didn't you hear Bruce? He needs his rest." Tony said, and Darcy rolled her eyes. She didn't stick out her tongue as she left the room, and felt very pleased at herself for being so mature.

XXX

Chapter Management

Steve healed extremely fast, as was expected, and was basically back to normal within a matter of days. Darcy set a date for that Saturday morning, and though at first it was just going to be Steve and Tony, somehow the others found out what their plan for the day was and Clint decided to join them. Darcy couldn't exactly tell him that they couldn't come, and she found she didn't much mind walking through the mostly-empty mall with three tall, gorgeous superheroes by her side. Steve wore a plain button down and slacks, a baseball cap pulled low and obscuring his face. Tony looked a little out of place, Darcy thought he probably was too rich to bother with going to malls, but he was here because their main goal was to introduce Steve to 21st century culture. And Darcy needed a new iPod, but that was secondary. Clint had come along because he was clearly looking for something to do, and plus it would be nice to have someone to exchange eye-rolls with when Tony got to be too much (Steve would be a good candidate for that but most of Tony's pop culture references went right over his head). Tony was the most recognizable of them all, but though the four of them got a few sidelong glances here and there, no one approached them. Darcy thought maybe they just didn't expect to see half of the Avengers in their local mall.

"Ooh, come on, Steve, you've got to check out Abercrombie and Fitch, and Hot Topic, and then I'm totally dragging you guys into Claire's. The Apple store's downstairs, right by the food court, so we can head down there when you're hungry for lunch. Oh, and there's also Brookstone, they sell like, massage chairs and stuff. There are department stores too, but they're pretty boring. Unless you actually need clothes. I mean, you look fine, but kind of old-fashioned, no offense." Darcy said. Steve blinked, and Clint smirked at the expression on his face.

"Who's paying for all of this?" Tony asked. Darcy gave him her sweetest smile.

"You, of course. Or SHIELD. They gave you money, right?" she asked Steve.

"They gave me some cash, but not very much."

"That's okay, we'll window shop and if you want to buy anything Tony will take care of it."

They hit Abercrombie and Fitch as well as Hollister, and though Steve did like some of the clothes, he was clearly uncomfortable with the window-sized posters of mostly naked men and women, wondering aloud how they could sell clothes if they weren't wearing any. Then they made their way into Hot Topic (this was for Darcy, not Steve, and when she was confronted with cheap Twilight merchandise she promptly turned back around, heading right back out) and then Tony spotted Spencer's and pulled Steve in with a wicked grin. Darcy and Clint waited outside, the latter leaning against the fake brick outside as Darcy rummaged in her bag for her phone.

"How long do you think Tony'll manage to keep Steve in there?" Clint asked.

"Depends. There's a lot of lingerie in the back. And drug stuff. Did people smoke pot in the 40s?"

"How the hell should I know?"  
Darcy shoved her phone back into her bag and got quickly impatient of waiting, grabbing Clint by the hand and pulling him across the way into the bright pink Claire's, ignoring his protests.

"Aren't you a little old for this store?" he mumbled, nearly running into a little girl in pigtails who glared at him indignantly.

"They have some cool jewelry if you know where to look, and it's super cheap." Darcy said, weaving her way expertly to the clearance racks and perusing the necklaces and bracelets. Clint picked up a small set of makeup and examined it curiously.

"Justin Bieber makes nail polish?"

"I guess so. You should get some for Natasha."

"She doesn't wear makeup unless she's on a mission. I don't think she knows who Justin Bieber even is."

"Yet you do. Hey, what do you think, is this cool?" Darcy asked, holding up a necklace with a robot on it. Clint shrugged and put the nail polish back. Darcy pondered over her necklace for a few minutes and then put it back too. Even though SHIELD was paying her a decent amount of money – okay, more money than she'd ever made before and probably more money than either of her parents made too – she was still not used to that fact. She headed back into the mall with Clint and found a grinning Tony and a blushing Steve waiting for them.

"What did he do to you?" Darcy asked.

"I didn't do anything!" Tony protested.

"I just have to get used to how … forward people here are."

Darcy decided to leave it at that. She started walking towards the escalator, and the others followed.

"Is anyone hungry? I'm thinking it's time for lunch."

They headed down to the food court, where an older Filipino couple a few tables over kept whispering and sneaking looks at them but did not approach. Clint and Darcy got Chinese food, and Tony got a burger. Steve decided to go for tacos, and then they all got Cinnabon for dessert. Steve liked it, though he said it was a little too sweet and wanted a big glass of milk to chase it down with. They compromised with a milkshake instead, and just as they were finishing up – Clint was licking frosting off his fingers like a little kid – the couple finally walked over shyly, and one of them tapped Steve on the shoulder.

"Can I help you?" he said with a friendly smile, wiping off his milk moustache.

"So sorry to bother you, but my wife and I were just discussing – are you Captain America?"

"Steve Rogers, yes. This is Tony Stark and Clint Barton – Iron Man and Hawkeye."

"I knew it! Can we get a picture with you?"

"Sure, no problem," Steve said, and Clint disappeared to the bathroom before anyone could make him pose. Tony and Steve didn't seem to mind though, standing arm in arm with the couple as Darcy snapped their picture. They thanked all of them profusely, and when they had gone, Clint came back, sneaking up so quietly Darcy jumped when she heard his voice come from behind her.

"We should probably leave, we're starting to attract some attention," he said.

"But I still have to get my iPod! And we should get Steve some more fashionable clothes!"

"Maybe we could split up?" Steve suggested.

"I'll go with Steve." Tony said.

"You two are the most recognizable. I'll take Steve and Tony you can go with Darcy."

"You won't pick out weird clothes for him?" Darcy asked. Clint gestured at himself. He was wearing a T-shirt, leather jacket, jeans, and boots.

"I think I can dress myself pretty well. I'll just get him stuff like this. Meet back in the lobby in an hour." Clint said, and headed off with Steve. Tony grumpily followed Darcy to the Apple store, complaining the whole way.

"Apple sucks, why would you buy an iPod when you could get a state of the art mp3 player from Stark himself?"

"Because I like my iPod and I want to get one just like it."

"But Apple is just a cheaper knockoff of what my company can produce, we're much more – "

"Sssh!" Darcy said as they entered the store. She left Tony to play with an iPad as she walked over to one of the employees and started to explain what she wanted.

Twenty minutes later Darcy had a new iPod and Tony was looking extremely pleased with himself.

"Do I even want to know what you did?" she asked as they walked out of the store together.

"Probably not," he replied, coming to a stop at a balcony looking down to the bottom floor of the mall, leaning back on it.

"We have forty minutes to kill before we have to meet Clint and Steve," Darcy said, checking her phone for the time.

"Malls are boring."

"Then why did you come?" Darcy asked. Tony shrugged.

"Why not? I didn't have anything better to do. Much as I love hanging out with our favorite angry doctor in the lab, sometimes it's good to be someplace with more people who aren't invested in saving the world."

Darcy didn't really know what to say to that. She never knew how to react when someone like Tony, who was perpetually joking and making fun of people, actually said something serious. They stood there for a few minutes before finally just walking down to the lobby to wait for Clint and Steve there. They sat on a bench and traded snarky commentary on the people that passed them by, and Darcy actually enjoyed the witty remarks they threw back and forth – most people understood Darcy's jokes and references (well, most people who were not World War II era super soldiers or Asgardian gods) but she hadn't really met very many people who could actually keep up with her and dole them out right back. Time flew, and when Clint and Steve showed up with shopping bags Darcy dove into them excitedly.

"Not bad, not bad," she said, pulling out shirts and pants. They were still pretty conservative, but less grandfatherly than what he'd been wearing before.

"I picked things out and he told me if he liked them or not." Clint explained. Steve shrugged.

"I need to start getting used to the fact that I'm not going to go back. I'm here to stay," he said.

"We're glad you are, buddy," Tony said, and the four of them headed off back to SHIELD.


End file.
